EU States Lose
For those of you who don't read Gawker every Friday (or never perused the now-defunct Tale of Two Cities), I'd like to tell you about a weekly feature called Blue States Lose. It basically ridicules the fashion choices/mere existence of American hipsters, making you want to laugh hysterically and kill yourself at the same time.
When I was in Europe, I encountered some individuals that would make even The Cobrasnake's lens crack, and decided that I needed to do a European version of Blue States Lose. I can't promise that I'll approach Joey Arak's level of commentary, but even if I fail, the pictures speak volumes on their own.
And now, I present to you: EU States Lose
10.) Unfortunately, Dr. Livingstone arrived at the scene without his gun, making it impossible to shoot him in the face.
9.) After the Derelicte campaign, Derek Zoolander opened the Derek Zoolander School For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Want To Learn How To Do Other Things Good Too, had a family, and moved to Germany to model headphones.
8.) I was going to make a joke about a flower child, or the fact that his outfit is made out of white Astroturf, or that the cap he's wearing makes him look like a big, floral sperm, but I'll just let you draw your own conclusions.
6.) The reason they never wrote any stories about Little Orphan Annie after she hit puberty is because she got into a fight with Daddy Warbucks, turned into a streetwalker, escaped from rehab, and disappeared. Last month, she was spotted at a street fair.
5.) This is a picture of a 60 year old man wearing a hawaiian shirt, jean jacket and a condom hat.
4.) Jean-Jacques was so excited to come to LoveParade that he didn't stop home to change after his rehearsals for Chippendale's Easter Extravaganza.
3.) The Village People Lost Members #7 and #8: The Highschool Wrestler and The Utilities Worker.
2.) After his brother ran off with his fiancee, Winky-Doo the Oompa-Loompa turned to the bottle and eventually got himself fired from the Wonka factory for consuming half the Butter Rum inventory and trying to feel up Veruca Salt. He then decided to try his hand at a punk career. After some success on the underground circuit in Dusseldorf, he was kicked out of the band for breaking into the drummer's grandmother's house and stealing her girdle collection. He was last seen wandering the streets, mourning the life that was once his.
1.) Most cultures have legends about spectres from The Other Side. Phantoms like the Grim Reaper, Angel of Death and other spirits purportedly walk among us, taking people from the realm of the living into the world of the dead. Anthropologists say that these myths serve as reminders of our own mortality, and act as societal warnings against behavior that might cause premature death. In Eastern Europe, they have this guy. The English translation of his name is "I'm Never Ingesting Drugs or Alcohol Again."
When I was in Europe, I encountered some individuals that would make even The Cobrasnake's lens crack, and decided that I needed to do a European version of Blue States Lose. I can't promise that I'll approach Joey Arak's level of commentary, but even if I fail, the pictures speak volumes on their own.
And now, I present to you: EU States Lose
*********
10.) Unfortunately, Dr. Livingstone arrived at the scene without his gun, making it impossible to shoot him in the face.
9.) After the Derelicte campaign, Derek Zoolander opened the Derek Zoolander School For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Want To Learn How To Do Other Things Good Too, had a family, and moved to Germany to model headphones.
8.) I was going to make a joke about a flower child, or the fact that his outfit is made out of white Astroturf, or that the cap he's wearing makes him look like a big, floral sperm, but I'll just let you draw your own conclusions.
7.)
Q:
Q:What happens when you cross this stripper-fairy with this Muppet?
A:
6.) The reason they never wrote any stories about Little Orphan Annie after she hit puberty is because she got into a fight with Daddy Warbucks, turned into a streetwalker, escaped from rehab, and disappeared. Last month, she was spotted at a street fair.
5.) This is a picture of a 60 year old man wearing a hawaiian shirt, jean jacket and a condom hat.
4.) Jean-Jacques was so excited to come to LoveParade that he didn't stop home to change after his rehearsals for Chippendale's Easter Extravaganza.
3.) The Village People Lost Members #7 and #8: The Highschool Wrestler and The Utilities Worker.
2.) After his brother ran off with his fiancee, Winky-Doo the Oompa-Loompa turned to the bottle and eventually got himself fired from the Wonka factory for consuming half the Butter Rum inventory and trying to feel up Veruca Salt. He then decided to try his hand at a punk career. After some success on the underground circuit in Dusseldorf, he was kicked out of the band for breaking into the drummer's grandmother's house and stealing her girdle collection. He was last seen wandering the streets, mourning the life that was once his.
1.) Most cultures have legends about spectres from The Other Side. Phantoms like the Grim Reaper, Angel of Death and other spirits purportedly walk among us, taking people from the realm of the living into the world of the dead. Anthropologists say that these myths serve as reminders of our own mortality, and act as societal warnings against behavior that might cause premature death. In Eastern Europe, they have this guy. The English translation of his name is "I'm Never Ingesting Drugs or Alcohol Again."
Labels: Kate's Traveling Adventures (Eurotrip and other less exciting places), Logged Hours' Greatest Hits (a.k.a. Posts that were linked to larger blogs than mine)
posted by Kate
8 Comments:
I believe that # was the guy who told us that it was customary for the man to buy the woman a drink and then declacred me your "bitch-ass" when I did. I love cultural exchange.
er, #6 that is... Sorry, I am a different and am out of the practice with math.
very ambitious. And very good.
Believe it or not, Germans dance worse than they dress. Just thank the Lord there isn't any video footage.
i blame Keith from Project Runway.
This is idiotic. You can't use the LoveParade as a foil to Blue States Lose. Try taking pictures of Euros during normal nightlife. Those pics will actually be just as entertaining as Blue States Lose. Trust me...I live in Europe.
You're missing the point here.
Blue States Lose is about making fun of people trying really hard to be cool & 'edgy'.
The people in your photos from the Love Parade couldn't give a shit about how ridiculous they look - it's about dressing up and getting stupid.
I feel sorry for you if you went there and couldn't have a laugh with these people - believe it or not, even Germans have a sense of humour.
It looks like the pictures are all in jest. Take a chill pill people.
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